The Seven Sins of the Roommate Search
By Paul Bell | On June 14, 2007 | In E-Books Articles | Rated 
The phrase "a roommate from Hell" seems to be
universally recognized as the term to describe a
roommate who drives us insane with his or her
incredibly bad behavior.
It's a fairly emotional expression but it sums up
our need to express the anger, frustration and
sometimes awe at the outrageous behavior of some
people and their complete disregard for others.
However, it's not only extreme behavior that
causes us to pull out that phrase. Relatively
minor daily irritations can blow up out of all
proportion and before we know it we have a major
issue on our hands, and the one-time friendly
roommate reveals them self as a dreaded "roommate
from Hell."
But are they really "roommates from Hell?" And
how do we let these situations arise in the first
place? The key is in realizing that during the
first few weeks with a new roommate, everyone is
on their best behavior. Following the initial "
honeymoon" period, things can start to slide and
people revert to their own standards of what is,
to them, normal and acceptable behavior.
It's these "hidden" standards of behavior that
are rarely exposed in an interview and therefore
often overlooked right from the beginning.
The secret to avoiding a "roommate from Hell" is
in carefully planning, searching for and then
choosing, someone whose standards and
expectations meet your own.
So right off the bat, let's look at some of the
preventable reasons why things don't work out in
roommate relationships.
Here are the seven routine mistakes that people
make right from the very start of a roommate
search. Failure to pay attention to any one of
these steps will turn your search for a great
roommate into a game of chance!
1. They don't take the roommate search seriously
enough and don't think about the potential
consequences of being stuck with a "Roommate from
Hell."
Anyone who has lived with a troublesome roommate
knows only too well how their lives can be
affected, right down to the smallest possible
level, not to mention the potential for financial
and property losses. It's often only with
hindsight that people realize they should have
given more thought to the whole roommate search
process.
2. They don't think about what is going to make
them happy in a shared living situation.
While they say "love is blind" to our partner's
flaws, there is not much forgiveness when it
comes to roommates. In the absence of infinite
patience, consideration needs to be given not
only to the big things that your roommate might
do to drive you mad, but also some of the smaller
irritations.
3. They don't conduct a wide enough search and
consider only one or at most, a very limited
number of possible roommates.
The more limited the number of candidates, the
less likely a compatible roommate will be found.
The larger the pool of qualified interviewees,
the better the chances are of finding a really
great roommate.
4. They don't conduct a proper interview and only
ask a limited number of questions, and even then,
they're usually the wrong ones.
Without an appropriate selection process and a
list of pre-prepared questions, it is impossible
to get the right information or make the right
choice. The unprepared "chat over a coffee"
approach is how many "roommate from Hell"
relationships begin.
5. They don't think carefully enough about
choosing the right person.
Decisions either made in haste or without
considering all the relevant information result
in poor choices. Taking the time to objectively
weigh up one candidate against another or even
rejecting all and to continue searching, is an
essential mindset. Selecting the "best of a bad
bunch" just because there's currently no one else,
is a recipe for creating problems, not solving
them.
6. They don't bother to check the credentials of
the applicants.
In the same way that job recruitment people
always check the background of applicants, it is
unwise to accept anything a potential roommate
tells you on face value. Given the potential to
disrupt your life and your belongings, background
checks on potential roommates are essential.
7. They don't set up and agree ground rules
from the start.
Unless the finer points are discussed, negotiated
and agreed upon up front, new roommates may
innocently have totally different expectations of
each other. So that everyone knows what is
expected of them, a Roommate Agreement and a set
of House Rules should be created before the new
roommate moves in.
So there you have it, the seven sins of the
roommate search. Now that you know what needs to
be done, you are already ahead of the game and
ready to find a "roommate from Heaven."
However, finding an emotionally mature,
financially stable, considerate and respectful
person to share your home with requires
preparation. Ultimately, how happy you are going
to be with your new roommate really comes down to
you, because at the end of the day, it's you who
finds them, you who interviews them and finally
you who chooses them and offers them the room.
It really IS, your choice!
universally recognized as the term to describe a
roommate who drives us insane with his or her
incredibly bad behavior.
It's a fairly emotional expression but it sums up
our need to express the anger, frustration and
sometimes awe at the outrageous behavior of some
people and their complete disregard for others.
However, it's not only extreme behavior that
causes us to pull out that phrase. Relatively
minor daily irritations can blow up out of all
proportion and before we know it we have a major
issue on our hands, and the one-time friendly
roommate reveals them self as a dreaded "roommate
from Hell."
But are they really "roommates from Hell?" And
how do we let these situations arise in the first
place? The key is in realizing that during the
first few weeks with a new roommate, everyone is
on their best behavior. Following the initial "
honeymoon" period, things can start to slide and
people revert to their own standards of what is,
to them, normal and acceptable behavior.
It's these "hidden" standards of behavior that
are rarely exposed in an interview and therefore
often overlooked right from the beginning.
The secret to avoiding a "roommate from Hell" is
in carefully planning, searching for and then
choosing, someone whose standards and
expectations meet your own.
So right off the bat, let's look at some of the
preventable reasons why things don't work out in
roommate relationships.
Here are the seven routine mistakes that people
make right from the very start of a roommate
search. Failure to pay attention to any one of
these steps will turn your search for a great
roommate into a game of chance!
1. They don't take the roommate search seriously
enough and don't think about the potential
consequences of being stuck with a "Roommate from
Hell."
Anyone who has lived with a troublesome roommate
knows only too well how their lives can be
affected, right down to the smallest possible
level, not to mention the potential for financial
and property losses. It's often only with
hindsight that people realize they should have
given more thought to the whole roommate search
process.
2. They don't think about what is going to make
them happy in a shared living situation.
While they say "love is blind" to our partner's
flaws, there is not much forgiveness when it
comes to roommates. In the absence of infinite
patience, consideration needs to be given not
only to the big things that your roommate might
do to drive you mad, but also some of the smaller
irritations.
3. They don't conduct a wide enough search and
consider only one or at most, a very limited
number of possible roommates.
The more limited the number of candidates, the
less likely a compatible roommate will be found.
The larger the pool of qualified interviewees,
the better the chances are of finding a really
great roommate.
4. They don't conduct a proper interview and only
ask a limited number of questions, and even then,
they're usually the wrong ones.
Without an appropriate selection process and a
list of pre-prepared questions, it is impossible
to get the right information or make the right
choice. The unprepared "chat over a coffee"
approach is how many "roommate from Hell"
relationships begin.
5. They don't think carefully enough about
choosing the right person.
Decisions either made in haste or without
considering all the relevant information result
in poor choices. Taking the time to objectively
weigh up one candidate against another or even
rejecting all and to continue searching, is an
essential mindset. Selecting the "best of a bad
bunch" just because there's currently no one else,
is a recipe for creating problems, not solving
them.
6. They don't bother to check the credentials of
the applicants.
In the same way that job recruitment people
always check the background of applicants, it is
unwise to accept anything a potential roommate
tells you on face value. Given the potential to
disrupt your life and your belongings, background
checks on potential roommates are essential.
7. They don't set up and agree ground rules
from the start.
Unless the finer points are discussed, negotiated
and agreed upon up front, new roommates may
innocently have totally different expectations of
each other. So that everyone knows what is
expected of them, a Roommate Agreement and a set
of House Rules should be created before the new
roommate moves in.
So there you have it, the seven sins of the
roommate search. Now that you know what needs to
be done, you are already ahead of the game and
ready to find a "roommate from Heaven."
However, finding an emotionally mature,
financially stable, considerate and respectful
person to share your home with requires
preparation. Ultimately, how happy you are going
to be with your new roommate really comes down to
you, because at the end of the day, it's you who
finds them, you who interviews them and finally
you who chooses them and offers them the room.
It really IS, your choice!